FIVE INEFFECTIVE BUT MILDLY HUMOROUS WAYS TO STAY COOL
If you’re as lucky as me and work in an office space which doesn’t have air conditioning, we need to get creative in dealing with the blistering summer heat. Us Brits love to moan about the weather, but in our defence, this last week really has been a ‘bit too warm’. Now before we go any further, it is worth noting the following ideas are meant to provide some mild comedy relief from your sticky, uncomfortable day. If you really want to stay cool, maybe invest in an office fan or something, I don’t know.
1. THE ARTIC TUNDRA IS FUN-DRA
This genius idea takes advantage of our easily-influenced little minds. Us humans are pretty suggestible. Some wintery audio could be just the trick to help you fool your body thinking it’s actually not melting. Using an arctic tundra soundtrack is perfect for setting the right, chilling ambience in your office (see below). Crank it right up and blast that audio out of your workstation / headphones. For added effect, change the bulbs in your office to ice blue coloured bulbs! Before you know it you’ll be reaching for that woollen jumper as you’re shivering from the arctic winds and frostbite nipping at your toes... in your mind!
This video is created by 'Relaxing Soundzzz', we do not own the video or audio track
2. NO TALK... JUST FAN ME
We’ve all got that never ending pile of paperwork on our desk that, let’s face it, ain't going anywhere. Why not put it to good use. Either yourself or better still, an office underling, can use that pile of ‘important documents’ to fan you. You’ll be sat at computer like the Queen of Sheba enjoying the cool breeze created by year-old invoices and boring meeting notes. For the full experience, get an intern to feed you grapes, just be prepared to get a visit from the head of HR.
3. OOH IT'S A BIT WARM
As we all know, us Brits love to talk weather and in the space of the last few days, I have heard and personally spoken the words ‘oooh it’s a bit too hot for me’ quite a few times. There is one thing worse than it being too warm, and that’s being told it's too warm every 10 minutes. The next time you hear this, just flat out refuse this obvious fact. In fact go so far the other way, the person you're taking to questions their own rational thoughts. ‘Is it? I’m actually freezing’ is the perfect response. Two things will either happen. Your office co-workers will stop stating the obvious or you’ll be sectioned. Either way, you won't have to put up with people telling you how warm it is.
4. COOL PARTY
Who can forget the tour de force of emotion and cinema masterpiece that is Batman and Robin and the career topping performance of Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr Freeze. Well… most people if we’re honest but that shouldn’t stop you reciting the absolutely hilarious, knee slapping, red-face inducing puns of the caped crusader’s icy nemesis. I’m struggling to finish this article just thinking about those… hehe… ice one liners. Anyway, you’ll be Mr or Mrs Cool of the office reciting these puns to your work fellows. In fact, they’ll be laughing so hard, they'll ask you to leave the office and if you really nail those lines, they'll ask you not to come back! Result, you can stay at home playing with your batman figures in your paddling pool. Just don’t be surprised if you get your P45 in the post. Click here to view a full list of Mr Freeze's ice puns courtesy of Buzzfeed.
5. NOBODY MOVE!
When it’s warm any movement / exercise of any kind can make the weather even more unbearable. Well the solution is simple. Simply do not move. Yes you heard me, don’t move. Sit at your desk perfectly still, only moving your fingers to type. Needed in a meeting? Make a Skype call, even though the meeting room is 3 metres way. Need to grab your lunch? Get a work friend to wheel your office chair through the local fast-food drive-through. For the really committed, consider adult nappies. Simply do not move, any unneeded movement will only make you warmer. Just be wary of being locked in the office overnight and being discovered by the office cleaner, dehydrated and very confused at 6am the next day. If it happened to me, it can happen to you.